To come alongside someone, you must be willing to be open and vulnerable to share your story. Many women spend their lives in isolation because they think they’re the only ones struggling in an area. I too was one of those women. No one wanted to talk about their true self, including me, and for good reasons. Firstly, due to not living a holy life. You don’t want to admit that to the people you are closest to who think you are fine. Keep in mind an unholy life is not just a sexual sin, it is anything God deems as sin (e.g., bitterness, lying, envying). Reason two, condemnation, and lack of confidentiality (gossip). O how our mouths get us in trouble with the Lord and people.
Gossip destroys
I want to touch on the topic of gossip. Many relationships have never recovered because of loose lips. Trying to look better in the eyes of the world as if our sin is not as bad as hers. We shared XYZ’s business with wrong motives in our hearts. Attempting to disguise it as I want you to pray for XYZ while spilling all the details and her name. Bringing shame upon her, even if she didn’t know it. It is tempting to want to know the details of someone’s life. It is also tempting to want to share the details. If your heart is in the right place. You’re more than capable of uplifting them to an all-knowing God without extra details.
Outward appearances
People have preconceived ideas about you based on appearance which in their minds determine if you need help or not. I had my makeup on, dressed decently, carried myself well, and didn’t talk about my personal business. I had so much hurt and pain, I would’ve broken down into tears if you would have said BOO. It’s easy to overlook someone and miss an opportunity to extend help when you judge based on outward appearances. I realize that not every woman is broken and praise God for that. It’s about making yourself available and engaging on a deeper level in case she ever does need help.
Be authentic
It’s imperative when coming alongside someone to first invest your time and second be empathetic. Women will not open up if they sense you genuinely don’t care, you’re not interested and not authentic. It is essential to listen and share your human side. You must put effort into understanding her and allowing her to be heard even if it’s uncomfortable and unfamiliar territory. God has positioned you for a bigger purpose and it’s called His plan.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is pretending that they never had a bad day, desire, or thought. Appearing to always be on the hallelujah cloud and wonder why they can’t make the connection with others. If you have lived on this earth for any amount of time. You have fallen short, experienced disappointment, and disappointed others. Cried, been angry, used unkind words, said too much, twisted up your face, turned up your nose, and on and on. Something happened to evoke all those actions and emotions. I certainly am not uplifting our flesh, but honestly acknowledging following our flesh landed us in some empty places.
Be approachable, you don’t have to share every detail of your life story. Be willing to share what got you there, God’s chastening and correction, and how you were victorious over that issue. What coming alongside someone is about, is helping women avoid paths that lead to bondage. Sharing your story may just do that.
I love this! Truth , truth, truth! You out it all so well! I agree with the gossiping part especially. Many don’t want to share because they are scared who that person is going to go run and share it all with. When that isn’t their place. Carol, thanks for writing this and speaking exactly what I feel and think so much! Glad I am not alone! Love you! Great blog!
Ashley thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. You certainly are not alone and it’s all about truth. I really appreciate your kindness and support!
Thank y for shedding light on this topic. This is a great tool we can use to build better relationships with each other.
Lisa, thank you for your comment! Building better relationships is so important to help people from being overlooked, especially in their time of need.
Hi Carol, I enjoyed reading ” be authentic” I agree that we do have a preconceived notion about a person based on their outward appearance. People think I have it all together based on the smile I put on my face and my ability to find things funny. In reality I am struggling with daily challenges. We need to be mindful that people are going through things and to careful with the words we use, and our actions toward them. We need to be sensitive and mindful because some people do a wonderful job of masking there internal pain. we also need to take those opportunities to introduce ourselves to newer believers and encourage them.
Beatrice, I couldn’t agree more. We need to do better in making ourselves available because there are a lot of hurting people. Mercy and compassion are needed. Thank you for sharing!