Speaking your mind does not have to be a fight or an argument. It can be scary and intimidating, but it may be necessary. One of the mistakes we make when confronting conflict is we approach it like a boxing match. Body blows, uppercuts, right/left hooks, bob, and weave. Our perception is already tainted because we allowed our minds to create a distorted view before we address the situation. Our mindset and heart should be in a place of peace, encouraging reconciliation. It’s about sharing your side in a clear, precise, and loving manner. We need flexibility in hearing the other person, but also be firm and steady in the truth.
If time allows
If it’s an issue you don’t have to handle immediately remove yourself and pray. Get quiet and let the Lord provide the words, instruction, and direction. Also, allow God to show you where you need to yield and be willing to do so. Sometimes in these cases, the person may realize their error and come to you and resolve it. Remain open and flexible. We don’t know what events are taking place in other people’s lives and it may just be a bad day. Extend compassion and see if you can be of assistance. If it’s a recurring issue approach in love and hold them accountable.
Handle immediately
Sometimes you have to make haste to handle a situation. Take a quick moment and acknowledge the Lord, lean on what you know of Him in your heart and proceed. Think about how you can take this level 10 issue to a 5. It may be just listening to the person or taking them outside for some air. You may have to let them know they are wrong and out of line. Either way, operate in absolute truth and facts.
Use discernment
If your coworker or sister in Christ usually speaks to you and this particular day they didn’t, look at the facts. Is today the big meeting or conference and they’re working on last-minute details. Were they talking to other people and focused on that conversation. Maybe they were on a phone call. In this case, it has nothing to do with you. Be understanding and catch up with them later or maybe see if you can be of assistance. Our insecurities can create a conflict when there is no conflict. When we lack confidence we can sometimes take things personally or as an attack on us. Use discernment in all of your encounters.
Your role
Conflict requires more than one person. You must be willing to take accountability for your role in creating any conflict. When approached avoid defensiveness and operate in love and facts. In some cases, you may not intentionally mean to create an issue and may not even be aware that there is one. Thank them for bringing it to your attention and be sure to acknowledge their feelings. Express understanding and genuine care for wanting to make things right.
If you are intentionally stirring up drama, confess that to the Lord and repent hastily. You will not obtain God’s favor, instead, He will condemn you for being a person of wicked devices, Proverbs 12:2.
In conclusion
Being able to approach (confront) and handle conflict professionally and lovingly is a sign of maturity. This is an area I am sure a lot of us need refinement in. Proverbs 15:1 KJV comes to mind. A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 25:28 KJV He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. If we’re stirring up anger and don’t have control over our spirit, it’s a guarantee God will put us on the shelf out of the way not to be of any use.
ACTION ITEM(S)
- Is there someone you are dreading confronting and need a change in your perception? If so, get into prayer and allow Jesus to calm you. Regardless of how it turns out, if you went forward according to Jesus you are in right standing with the Lord.
- Have you taken a situation personally and made it about you, because you didn’t look at the facts? Do you need to make it right?
- Acknowledge any insecurities and submit them to the Lord.
- Are you purposely causing conflict and drama? If so, my recommendation is to fall on your knees before the Lord, confess and repent. Remember you can pick the sin, but not the consequence.
This is very good wisdom and can be applied in so many different relationships and ways! Thank you for talking about this topic , even when it’s not always comfortable. You bring truth and point back to Christ in a wonderful way! You’re a blessing Carol! God is a miraculous God! He can work in ways our flesh forgets how to! I personally know I definitely need Him in this area! He knows our thoughts and actions. We should definitely have HiM help us when these situations come .
Maybe I can use this also as a lesson with my kiddos.
Ashley, This is something I pray about regularly, especially because we can sometimes be so easily offended. I point back to Psalm 119:165 Great peace have they which love thy law: And nothing shall offend them. I need to meditate on that more. Thank you for the compliment and I really appreciate your love and support!!!
This is good. It amazes me how big a conflict can be easily resolved by a small tweak of maturity. Often times we are so stubborn and want to stick to our opinion of what is right and what the other person needs to do.
Thank you for highlighting this topic and doing so in an easy to comprehend manner!
Lisa, You are so right about stubbornness. We often forsake the Fruit of the Spirit abounding because of lack of maturity and willingness to yield. I appreciate you and your comments!!!